Pull up a list of sexy women in politics, and you will undeniably find a list full of beautiful intelligent women. They will sometimes be scantily clad, and there will always be the “womp womp womp” slot available for Hilary Clinton. Regardless, finding amazingly attractive women in politics is an easy feat. What is not so easy is finding a list of truly attractive men in politics. I mean…Marco Rubio? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Nothanks.
I was inspired by Joseph Stalin’s face. Remarkable resemblance to a young George Michael. That man was pretty, was he not? I’m not going to bother ranking them and I’m not going to bias my opinions on political positions, or how many people they’ve managed to kill. We’re going for real objectification here. Straight up eye candy.
This was a horrible task. Awful, mundane, boring. I hope you all appreciate the work I put into this – scouring the internet for legit sexy men, all so you don’t have to look at pictures of bobble headed, bulbous nosed douchebags who are falsely paraded as “sexy”. I search for the truth in all things, and sexiness also falls into that list. You’re welcome.
So without further adieu, here is my list:
1) I’m gonna kick off with this guy, Louis Lingg. If not for his obscurity but also because of the simple fact that he makes anarchy look less neckbeardy.
2. This pic of Hitler
What is this? I’m having trouble verifying whether or not this is shopped, but all sources seem to validate it’s legit. I feel so internally confused. He was a body builder. Really? I don’t know what to think right now, those abs are distracting me…
3. Malcolm fucking X.
I’m a sucker for men who usually look like cranky assholes …smiling. Maybe it’s the glasses? Maybe it’s that chin? That’s a great chin. His smile warms my heart. He’s the perfect mix of nerdy and badass, and then a smile!
4) Who the fuck is this guy? Josh Svaty.
This pic is from 2009, apparently and more recent pics show him clean shaven, which is disappointing. Grow it back, Josh. Grow it back.
5) Rahm Emanuel
The best thing about Barack Obama being President in 2008 was Rahm’s face.
6) Here’s that pic of Stalin.
Is it the tousled hair, the smoldering eyes, those pretty lips? That childish gleam in his eyes? The perfect arch of his eyebrow? The scarf? I would have his dictator babies.
7) I couldn’t have a list like this without Che Guevara. He kind of reminds me of Benicio Del Toro.
In fact, I had a hard time picking not just one, but just two pics, as this man was incredibly photogenic. I love most of all that nearly every single picture portrays his swagger for days.
8) Vladimir Putin
So sexy even the dolphins can’t resist him. Thanks for aging well, sweet Vlad.
9) BRAZIL. You never, ever fail to produce amazing specimens of breedability. Good GOD, sweet baby Jesus this is unfair. Eduardo Leite, Mayor of Pelotas. Fucking Christ, man.
10) Chuka Umunna. Irish and Nigerian? This is a fantastic combination. I’d hit it, if not just to scream his name.
11) Ann Coulter.
12) Tim Scott. I can’t fucking stand this guy, but his bald head, chubby cheeks, and “bitch please” glare are undeniably adorable.
13) Guess who was Mr. Fucking Adorable Look In My Vagina?
That’s right. Ron Paul. Doesn’t he look like such a sweet young man?
14) And yeah, I got a ladyboner for his son.
15) Warren G Harding
That is a superior nose. A beautiful nose. An olfactory tunnel of love. I only know one person with a more amazingly sexy nose than this. He knows who he is.
16) Bilawal Bhutto Zardari